What’s going on with me and YouTube?

As many of you know, I’ve been putting vlogs on YouTube for many years, however, this year I have only uploaded five times and tomorrow it’s June already!! So what’s going on with me and YouTube? Let’s find out!

Why I started YouTube

I began making YouTube videos for a number of reasons, firstly I wanted to record my children while they were all young so they would be able to look back and see how they were.  I could’ve just made these videos private but I decided to upload them to YouTube because I realise that we live in quite a different way to most people, but I do know there are other families that live similarly to us and I wanted them to know they weren’t the only people that like to homeschool, grow their own food, cook from scratch, have lots of babies etc.  I know how alone I’ve felt at times and I wanted to reach out and find other similar people.  YouTube and Instagram have been great for that, I have ‘met’ lots of other people who share similar views and lives and it has definitely helped alleviate that lonely feeling.

As I went through my later pregnancies I shared my thoughts and feelings and received lots of feedback from women who appreciated the amount of experience I’d had. I have had eight pregnancies that resulted in live babies and over ten miscarriages, I’ve had a baby ten weeks early and a baby two weeks late, I’ve had home births and hospital births, so I felt I could help reassure other pregnant women with what to expect, how to deal with doctors etc.  I got lots of questions and was happy to help anyone that asked.

Why it’s been hard lately

Lately, I felt like my videos didn’t have much purpose, I didn’t really know who I was helping now that I wasn’t pregnant and didn’t have a young baby.  People have continually been asking me to talk more about homeschooling, but for some reason, I had imposter syndrome when it came to this subject.  I just felt like I wasn’t doing a good enough job at being a home educator.  I’m very tough on myself, nothing is ever good enough.  I felt like if I said what we were doing for homeschool that people might misinterpret that as me thinking I know better than them, which I certainly don’t think.

Also, I just felt like I couldn’t possibly help other mums because I can’t even keep my house tidy, I mean, what kind of a mother am I?

The breakthrough

I realise now that I just have to stop being so hard on myself.  We all have our strengths and we all have our weaknesses.  My weakness just happens to be that I’m not houseproud, never have been, never will be.  So if you see a video of mine, just expect that my house will be a little untidy.  There are nine of us living in a small house, I absolutely hate moaning at my children, so rather than keep asking to pick up this or that, I very often don’t bother.  Our house is our shelter, the place where we sleep, eat, read, play, learn, it’s not a show home.

It’s funny because in real life I used to panic if I knew we had a visitor coming round and have a mad tidying up session.  If someone dropped round unannounced I’d be horrifically embarrassed, have proper panic attacks and not be able to talk.  Then a couple of years ago, I just completely stopped giving a hoot as to what anybody else thought.  People would come round and there would be shoes and toys and books all over the place and I did not care, this was unbelievably amazing to me, it felt wonderful, totally wonderful, and the funny thing is now the older children will tidy up if they know we have someone coming round, not because I ask them, just because they are at that age where they worry about what others think.  Now please don’t get me wrong, my house is never squalid, I was always just so overly critical of myself, always apologising for my existence.

Now I just need to carry that attitude over to how I deal with my YouTube channel, I have to realise that I do have many years of homeschool experience and that could be so valuable to other homeschooling mums.  So I will continue to share our homeschool journey and stop shying away from it.  In fact, I made a vlog yesterday where I briefly discussed what our homeschool plans are over the summer holidays.  I also mentioned that I am starting to add a lot more to this blog to make home educators lives easier.  It’s going to take me a while but at the moment I am creating a homeschool resources page and on there are different categories you can click on, so far I have added a section for the arts and crafts materials we use and sections for some of the books we have used over the years.

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2 Comments

  1. 02/06/2019 / 04:24

    Thank you for sharing your struggles/break through! I have watched your videos for almost two years, and, as a beginner homeschooler (this is our second ‘official’ year) I have definitely looked to you as an experienced, homeschooling mother. In fact, I think I found you because I googled ‘Charlotte Mason homeschool’ or something! I’m learning that we need to be ourselves, whether online or in real life, because that is the voice we are and it will resonate and connect with the people it is meant to. Please keep on being you 🙂 xx

    • 02/06/2019 / 08:25

      Thank you Sarah, I really appreciate your kind words of support. I will carry on 😁

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